Written By: tauhidsh
Before starting writing I hope not to make this discussion too long and will discuss only relevant areas of the title. The words I have used, as the title may not require any further explanation or definition, therefore, I shall move to the point.
A girl asked me: ‘Do you have any girlfriend?’
What can be the answer to this question? (Think about it)
I answered her: ‘ Yes, I have got lots of girlfriends which one are you asking for?’
The girl did not respond.
Basically the concept of girlfriend (GF) and boyfriend (BF) has been spreading and infiltrating our way of life, whilst we remain ignorant of the consequences. I would like to say very strongly that we do understand the meaning or definition of the phrases (GF/ BF) but we need to understand the people in general mean when using such terminologies how they use these terms in their daily life.
They do not get married but they live together which is called according to them as ‘Trial Marriage’ or they register themselves as registered partners and address themselves as BF or GF; but as Muslims we cannot live together without getting married as far as the Quran is concerned all types of sexual relation is prohibited outside marriage. Actually the concept of marriage is for the reconciliation between society and our personal life. After getting married we treat each other as husband and wife.
Nowadays it is becoming a trend in Bangladesh to follow the culture of the west and that is why either knowingly or unknowingly we are falling into sins and losing our religion. Moreover we can fashion our society by our own culture, either Bengali or Muslim; not necessarily we have to follow others culture to reconstruct our own society. Thereby we are destroying our identity and consequently we are going to astray and that is the sad truth.
In the West, there is a concept called cohabitation, that is, a couple living together outside wedlock. This is widely practiced in the West. A lot of the time they do this by registering themselves as partners so that the State recognizes them and recently made law to assist this identity (e.g. GF/BF) but how can Muslims do live together without marriage when this is totally Haram (Prohibited). Additionally, it is important to know that how we are using these words (e.g. BF).
If we structure as –
GF + BF = cohabitation
Husband + Wife = Marriage.
(For our clear understanding about these terms in this article)
If we look back to ‘pre Islamic era’ (Iame Jaheliat), we see people used to use these sorts of words as ‘sadikah’ that is meant GF and ‘sadik’ (BF) and they were used to in living together. There was widespread sexual corruption. They did abuse sexual intercourse in various ways those were altogether rubbish.
Still these practices exist all over the Europe, America and other non-Muslim countries.
In my assumption this sort of practice was not that much welcomed as it is today. Very interestingly, perhaps, until 1928/`30 the concept of cohabitation as well as practicing it was treated as something dishonorable in the UK as I have seen in a case where a lady made a defamation case because of cohabitation issue but nowadays people do not feel shy to say that I live together with my GF/ BF.
Actually, it has incorporated into their daily life slowly, it can be mentioned that originally English people had a sense of honour and dignity and therefore I believe that such practices came from elsewhere from Europe. The creation of the European Union also had a cultural impact in the UK.
There is a convention called European Convention on Human Right (ECHR), in order to allow this convention to take effect in UK, the UK made a law called the Human Right Act 1998 (HRA), as a result of these laws UK is bound to legalise, tolerate and normalise such practices only to uphold human rights.
But the things non-Muslims do, can we imitate them, which are clearly going against our belief.
Now to seek the solution – if we are not that ready to get married, I could suggest that at least we can complete the ‘Aqd’ (agreement, formality) to be safer in communication or dealings with our prospective wife or Husband. Therefore, everything will be ‘Halal’ (Legal) whatever we do within us. May Allah give us time to seek what is Halal and what is Haram (Illegal).
So, it is clear that GF and BF is not our terms. Question may arise then ‘how do we address each other?’ The answer is we could say only friend, brother, sister etc. Because can be any one who gives time in happy and in sorrow. Father, mother, uncle and aunt may become a good friend then do we need to call them different way as above any specific terms (e.g. Father = Father Friend), maybe not.
To become too modern or posh, we use these words but does this make us smarter; can we not remain modernised whilst not using such terms? This question I pose to the readers. Again as far as our above discussion is concerned that e.g. GF + BF = cohabitation. We cannot deny it, so now need to be realistic and confess our flow in this regard.
Mother + Me = Friend, Father + Me = Friend, Sister + Me = Friend, Brother + Me = Friend and so on.
So, now think when GF and BF usage comes and recall the previous discussions.
I would highly appreciate if you could add your opinion regarding this discussion- feel free to express your opinion or point out any mistakes. I am more than happy to welcome your observation on it.
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